There's so much going on, these days. Our first wedding anniversary is in two days, and My Husband, The Viking, is already in Norway searching for a job and a home for us. Meanwhile, I'm trying to find the wisdom in us being apart for this first celebration that we have worked so hard towards.
While I'm packing up here on the Golden Coast, I'm thinking a lot about the future and the opportunities afforded me in Norway - especially with their socialized healthcare. The Viking and I have been trying to get pregnant this entire year. Initially something driven almost exclusively by my own wants, he has gotten The Baby Bug too and it is now a dream we share.
Having no insurance while being concerned about fertility problems is daunting, overwhelming, and frankly - terrifying. I find my mind continually wanders to the thought 'What if whatever's wrong with me is only getting worse? What if I become permanently damaged from a defect left un-treated?'. My friends, when I've shared this worry respond in one of two ways: First, they brush it off and tell me straight out not to worry. Their flippant dismissal of my fear is extremely hurtful, no matter what is the motivating factor behind it. The second reaction is to wonder why I assume that the problem is with me. This reaction has a very simple answer in that because men are so much easier to test, he was tested. His contribution was found to be of a normal count and activity level.
As much as I had hoped his getting tested would calm my fears, I'd have to say that it's honestly deepened them because if the hang-up isn't with him........then it must be with me. Being adopted, I know very little about the fertility of my family tree. My biological mother had two children, purportedly while on birth control. My biological maternal Grandmother has three children and my Uncles each have two. In fact, now that I think about it, everybody has very neatly had a boy and a girl (My grandparents had a boy and a girl, and then another boy). Obviously though, my biological father has had children - me, first, and then two girls with his wife. There doesn't seem to be any apparent problems, there.
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