Don't Be Scairrrt! Written May 2012

Now that it's May 1, a people are beginning to notice that the countdown clock for The Big Move is getting down to smaller and smaller numbers. Friends and family (and not a few random customers) are asking me how I feel about The Move and if I'm ready for it. It fully crashed home in my head tonight that  I AM SCARED. Like, SCAIRRT-scared!! Scurred, if you will. Norway is:

1. Dark all winter. Like, 2 hours of twilight per day. I haven't read Twilight or seen the movies, but I hear that they are awful (HA! See what I'm doing here? Honestly though, I get the feeling that 2 hours of the Twilight movies per day would be pretty tortuous).  Seriously though, darkness all winter = bad.

2. Very far away from California. Pull up a map online and look (go ahead - I'll wait........................) SEE!?! REALLY far.

3. Unfamiliar. For some reason, every few years I seem to like to shake up the OCD a bit and throw myself into a tizzy. This year's model involves lots of snow. Which brings me to....

4. Cold. 'Nuff said.

5. Disturbingly lacking in a growing season. I will never, ever try to make you believe that I eat vegetables terribly willingly or with gusto, 'cause I'm not a liar. However, when you're eating strawberries while Skype-ing with your brother-in-law and he starts moaning and lamenting about how he gets strawberries once a year..........T.E.R.R.I.F.Y.I.N.G.

Now there's a lot to be said after this little list. Firstly, it has to be mentioned that each of these points has a counter-point -- a positive side to moving to Norway. Let's go straight into that. Norway is also:

1. Bright all summer. Uhhh, hello!??! That's 22 partyable hours in every summer day!! SCHA-WING!

2. & 3. Very far away from California and unfamiliar. I know these seem to be modeled very closely on the negatives listed above. In fact, I'd go farther than that - I'd say they are exactly the same. Because how many other people do you know get to pick up and move to a country as unique and unpublicized as Norway?! Not many, I'd reckon.

4. Well I don't know a positive here, actually. I just really hate being cold and snow kind of scares me. And I'm clumsy enough as it is - I really don't need whatever 'help' ice is bound to offer on that front.

5. SEEEEEAFOOOOOOD! Seafood. YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM. Like, I seriously couldn't care less about vegetables as long as I get all the mackerel and cod and crab and shrimp I could eat. Top it off with Norway's (brief but delicious) wild strawberries and blueberries and you've got one happy Norwegian Wife.